2015 Keeper Analysis: Western Conference

We took a look at the Eastern Conference keepers the other day, so here's the rest.

The Moose Knuckle (Hoke-A-Mania)
MoRRie’s Pogiboys -1(14): Tom Brady (2) Eddie Lacy (3) Devonta Freeman (1) Denard Robinson (1) Calvin Johnson (3) Travis Kelce (2)
Team Cameltoe -1(12): Russell Wilson (2) Doug Martin (2) Lorenzo Taliaferro (1) Julio Jones (3) Jordy Nelson (3) Jordan Matthews (1)
Hungry Hungry Ouroboros -2(9): Matt Ryan (3) Giovani Bernard (1) Joseph Randle (1) Eric Decker (1) Torrey Smith (1) Martellus Bryant (2)
Ann Arbor Bamfers -2(8): Colin Kaepernick (1) Frank Gore (2) CJ Spiller (1) Golden Tate (2) Kendall Wright (1) Delanie Walker (1)

In a division where everyone’s keeper cores went downhill (and nobody finished with a winning record last season), MoRRie’s Pogiboys again have the best six guys. They have the pretty good on paper trio of Tom Brady, Eddie Lacy, and Calvin Johnson as carryovers, but the rest of the roster is purely speculative. Trent Richardson was a disaster last year, as was Percy Harvin. Michael Crabtree was okay but definitely couldn’t return to his pre-injury numbers. Now those three guys have been replaced by Devonta Freeman, Denard Robinson, and Travis Kelce, who all have flashed some talent, but are far from proven. There was talk pre-draft that Alvin was looking to ship off Megatron in an effort to rebuild, but a division title could always be around in the corner in this sorry division.

Last year’s winner, Team Cameltoe, got the honor of renaming the division, and grabbed an upset playoff victory to boot. The huge trades from 2013 that Felipe boldly undertook is still under evaluation but it has already resulted in losing 2014’s #1 overall selection. The good news is that Russell Wilson has a pair of superior targets to throw to: Julio Jones and Jordy Nelson. The run game “features” Doug Martin but that’s not saying a lot. Can new keepers Lorenzo Taliaferro and Jordan Matthews help keep Cameltoe on top? It’ll be tough with Jordy Nelson recently declared out for the season with a torn ACL but this is The Moose Knuckle so anything could happen, even a division winner with a losing record!

There aren’t a lot of worse keeper cores than what Hungry Hungry Ouroboros are rolling out this off-season. Matt Ryan is a steady presence at quarterback but last year’s trade for pre-suspension Ray Rice was a disaster. Giovani Bernard has been supplanted by Jeremy Hill in Cincinnati and although a starting spot has opened up for new keeper Joseph Randle, he’s not exactly a franchise runner. And the receiving corps were in shambles too, as Victor Cruz was injured most of the season, along with Dennis Pitta. Two pre-draft trades brought in Torrey Smith and Martellus Bennett to slot in next to holdover Eric Decker (kept instead of Victor Cruz), but all three are at best average. Looks like Ouroboros’s losing ways will continue this season, and beyond…

Speaking of shoddy keeper cores, Ann Arbor Bamfers are straight awful. With two very high 2015 first round picks, GM Randy better hit some home runs. The two keeper QB conundrum from last year has been solved, as Colin Kaepernick is now slotted in as the leader of this team — over Nick Foles, a toss up decision really — but he won’t have much to work with. There’s a chance Frank Gore still has some gas left in the tank, and Golden Tate broke out last year in Calvin Johnson’s absence, but it’s tough to sell season ticket holders on CJ Spiller, Kendall Wright, and Delanie Walker. Ann Arbor Bamfers need an infusion of young talent, asap!

Knights Who Say Ni
Another Bad Creation -2(13): Aaron Rodgers (3) Marshawn Lynch (3) LeSean McCoy (2) Joique Bell (1)  Andre Johnson (2) Vincent Jackson (2)
Jedi Knights -1(12): Peyton Manning (3) Alfred Morris (2) Emmanuel Sanders (2) TY Hilton (2) Marques Colston (1) Greg Olsen (2)
Original Salt +0(10): Ben Roethlisberger (3) Matt Forte (2) Roddy White (2) Doug Baldwin (1) Jordan Cameron (2) Ravens Def (0)
P Funk All Stars +0(8): Joe Flacco (1) Derek Carr (1) Ryan Mathews (1) DeSean Jackson (2) Michael Floyd (2) Eric Ebron (1)

Another Bad Creation suffered an embarrassing first round upset last season but they are still strong contenders even despite their setback. The trade for LeSean McCoy during the great Mandalorian Warriors firesale of Oct 2014 could pay off this season, and that would give Marshawn Lynch a great running mate — unless Joique Bell can finally stay healthy. Aaron Rodgers will challenge for the best fantasy player inn the land and he’ll have aging Andre Johnson and Vincent Jackson to throw to. Overall, Oliver’s squad is almost certainly headed into the post-season, its just a matter of what his team can do once they get there.

And if we’re gonna talk about upsets that sting, how about last year’s 12-1 team, Jedi Knights, that romped through the regular season — starting 2014 on a nine game win streak — before getting upended by eventual champion Original Salt?! Chris will be looking for revenge this season and will ride Peyton Manning as far as he can go in his twilight years. Last season’s first round pick, TY Hilton, was a steal, and Emmanuel Sanders replaced Wes Welker on the Jedis and the Broncos. Both are borderline fantasy stars and Sanders’ value should increase with our new PPR rules. The corpse of Marques Colston is still around, and Greg Olsen replaces Jason Witten at tight end. The lone holdover RB, Alfred Morris, is steady but not spectacular, but that should be enough to get Jedi back into contention.

You just don’t expect a team that ends the season on a 0-5 slide to squeak into the playoffs and then pull off the greatest post-season upsets in Maize and Blue history. BUT THAT’S WHY THEY PLAY THE GAME! We don’t need to recap Original Salt’s run to the title, but it was spectacular. (Frankly, I might have considered retirement from fantasy after a run like that.) Ben Roethlisberger led the NFL in passing yards last season and he’ll lead this veteran team in its back-to-back title defense. Matt Forte is still a top back, if not exactly elite, and Roddy White, Doug Baldin, and Jordan Cameron all return with shiny championship rings on their hands. Ravens DST is the sixth keeper here, a strange decision. Sure, they were a top defense last season but we just can’t get behind keeping defenses. Wouldn’t taking a flier on just about anyone on the roster be worth it? Then again, who are we to question the defending champs? Nobody, that’s who! Let’s see if Reno can continue his magical run. Last thing: We feel like Reno should make a division name change, I mean, he should just call it “Reno Reno Reno” or something after his jaw dropping title run.

After challenging for a division title in 2013, the bottom dropped out for P Funk All Stars as they found themselves with only two wins last season. Joe Flacco is back for another go-around, this time joined by Derek Carr on the keeper list. (It’s always a winning solution to bring in two sub-20 ranked QBs in a sixteen team keeper, right?) There’s not a single star player on this roster, unless you want to count on Michael Floyd smoothly taking over for Larry Fitzgerald in Arizona. DeSean Jackson is still a nice deep threat but he’s boom-bust as always. The light has gone out on the Ryan Mathews train, and TE Eric Ebron has the skills but not the track record. Overall, P Funk faces a long climb back to respectively. Then again, they surprised us two years with a keeper roster far worse than this, so anything could happen.

Top Five Keeper Cores

1. *Fockers (15): We’ve seen keeper cores with 17 scores before, but *Fockers score out at the top this year with a mere fifteen. Mortagaging the future enabled them to add a third gold caliber player in Dez Bryant and this team is ready to win now.
2. MoRRie’s Pogiboys (14): It’s a shame Tom Brady could miss four games, otherwise this could be the top team in the league with Eddie Lacy, Calvin Johnson and some promising side parts.
3. 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (14): Last year’s #1 overall, Brandin Cooks, will get his chance to shine but most of this grade is out of respect to Jimmy Graham, but if he slips even a little, Pooh Bears rank slightly lower.
4. Detroit Players (13): The only team without a QB on its keeper roster, Players have an outstanding collection of running backs, as well as AJ Green and breakout candidates in sophomore WRs Martavis Bryant and Jarvis Landry
5. Another Bad Creation (13): Aaron Rodgers and Marshawn Lynch are both studs, and everyone else here is above average serviceable. That’s enough to get a top five keeper ranking.